rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
false alarm, still single
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