I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
