Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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