Non-Jews are for practice
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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