I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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