it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
