dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The beer is more important than you right now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
