Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
