Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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