I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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