Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
