it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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