your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
