Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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