he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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