new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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