all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
