I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
