CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
