girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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