The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
