he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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