He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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