Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
