So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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