Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
