i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
