she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
