Whoa Z and x make the same sound
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
