I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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