Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
