moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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