Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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