Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
