How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think your dad took our porno
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
