I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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