So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
