it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
