I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
