Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
