You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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