it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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