I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
a search helicopter?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
