He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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