i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
