who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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