Do you still have your period?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
