does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
