id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
