You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
